Blog #2182: Transformers Artifact of the Week: Videorisa #59, June 6, 1987 (Mexican Transformers Comic Book)

Transformers Artifact of the Week: Videorisa #59, June 6, 1987 (Mexican Transformers Comic Book)

I grabbed this on eBay, having never seen it before. I thought maybe it was a Spanish TF comic, but it’s not. I think this is a one off, part of an ongoing series featuring something new each week, but I’m really just guessing. It’s all in Spanish, and I do not speak or read Spanish. I took two years of Spanish in Middle School, and I didn’t fail, which is a rather low bar. I’ve scanned the entire comic. If someone else wants to translate it, I would be curious what it says. I am going to go through it page by page and panel by panel. If you’re looking for any kind of serious analysis, you’ve come to the wrong place. This thing looks totally ridiculous, and so too will be my analysis.

Cover: The cover shows Optimus Prime and Megatron. Optimus Prime looks normal enough, but Megatron’s face looks weird and he has a red Deception symbol on his chest. I guess they beat Fun Pub to Shattered Glass. Also on the cover is an oddly colored jet who is either in the midst of transforming, is having some kind of seizure, or thinks he’s some kind of gerwalk. Which is it? Your guess is as good as mine. Could be all three for all I know. If you think this is weird, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

Inside Front Cover: This page contains the only English words in the whole book, “Fresh Mist” (okay, technically there is one more), which makes me think it’s an air freshener. I mean, “Yum” could also be English, but I’m not sure that really is appropriate for an air freshener. The art seems to suggest the woman smells so bad she has to keep her husband on a rope to keep him from escaping and the dog has decided life would be better on the street and is just taking off.

Page 1, Panels 1 & 2: This seems to be the narrator of the story, but I’m just guessing.

Page 1, Panel 3: Apparently Dumb Donald from Fat Albert has come over for a visit.

Page 1, Panel 4: The girls have shown up in bikinis. Now this is starting to get good!

Page 1, Panel 5: I think we can all figure out for ourselves what’s going on here if you know what I mean.

Page 2, Panel 1: He’s going to tell the girls a story about Transformers. (Bet that’s a twist you weren’t expecting.) We see Jazz reading from a piece of green paper. I am at this moment struggling to come up with a reason a living computer would need to read something off paper, but hey, just go with it. I mean Laserbeak did once transform into a copy machine, so I guess anything is possible.

Page 2, Panel 2: And now a Snork is swimming by Decepticon headquarters. What the fuck?

Page 2, Panel 3: Starscream and Rumble seem to be pissed off at each other or someone else judging by the snarls on their faces.

Page 3, Panel 1: Megatron seems to be angry too. Did the artist think all Decepticons are just pissed off all the time?

Page 3, Panel 2: Rumble seems to be having himself a refreshing Top Oil, recently voted Cybertron’s best soft drink or something. Why does it have two straws? Oh, I get it. They are saying that he can’t decide if he’s Rumble or Frenzy, so they each have a straw. Frankly, I doubt that much thought was put into the entire story, but it’s a theory.

Page 3, Panel 3: Soundwave does not appear angry, but Megatron is pissed. I’m beginning to wonder if the artist knows how to draw mouths.

Page 3, Panel 4: Perhaps I should have asked if the artist knows how to draw Transformers. Megatron’s fusion cannon is on the wrong arm, Soundwave’s launcher is on the wrong shoulder, and Starscream has no guns. Anyway, they seem to be out for a stroll.

Page 4, Panel 1: “Irish!”? What the fuck?

Page 4, Panel 2: Megatron seems to have gotten himself some kind of armored vehicle. Rumble seems very pleased about it. Perhaps too pleased. Could there be a reason for this? Guess we’ll find out.

Page 4, Panel 3: Megatron is now cosplaying as a raccoon. Just go with it. I’m not even going to try to make sense of that.

Page 5, Panel 1: We now seem to be on Cybertron. Based on the cover, I had just assumed they were on Earth. So apparently, the Decepticons have an undersea base on Cybertron? So maybe it’s Autobot Headquarters on Earth that just happens to look a lot like Cybertron.

Page 5, Panel 2: The Autobots seem to be having a meeting.

Page 5, Panel 3: Is that Skids? Is he wearing a chef’s hat? I’m so confused.

Page 5, Panel 4: Optimus seems to be alarmed by an…alarm. This might be the most normal panel in the whole freaking book.

Page 6, Panel 1: The Decepticons are attacking! Shit just got real.

Page 6, Panel 2: Megatron is Face Timing Optimus Prime, and he’s not happy. (Or the artist still can’t draw mouths. Could go either way.)

Page 6, Panel 3: Optimus Prime and an unknown green Autobot are confronting them! Time to rumble!

Page 6, Panel 4: Megatron is showing off his cool new armored vehicle, and telling Optimus Prime how he’s going to use it to destroy the Autobots. Maybe just once don’t explain your evil plan.

Page 7: Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, and Jazz (where the hell did he come form?) beat the shit out of the Deceptcions. Hooray! (Did Optimus Prime kick Megatron in the ball bearings? It certainly appears that he did.) They also seem to have done severe damage to Megatron’s new toy.

Page 8, Panel 1: Optimus Prime hits Starscream with a backbreaker! The crowd goes wild chanting, “Drop the elbow! Drop the elbow!”

Page 8, Panel 2: Somehow the backbreaker seems to have broken Starscream’s brain, and he just seems…off. Megatron has a bloody or, I guess, oily nose. Optimus seems to have pounded the color right out of Megatron’s Decepticon logo. That had to hurt.

Page 8, Panel 3: The Decepticons, having been soundly defeated, apparently had time to repair Megatron’s armored vehicle during the battle. Not sure when, but whatever. Retreating, they are joined with that dip shit from the cover who has repainted himself. Dammit, Hasbro!

Page 9, Panel 1: HOLY SHIT, I THINK BUMBLEBEE ATE RUMBLE! It looks like he put on a whole freaking hatchback. Is he going to pick his teeth with someone’s spring?

Page 9, Panel 2: The Decepticons flee before Bumblebee can eat the rest of them.

Page 9, Panel 3: Megatron seems to have a head ache. Starscream keeps lookout for Bumblebee to come looking for a snack.

Page 10, Panel 1: Megatron consults the printed user manual for his new armored vehicle. Again, why is it on paper? He’s a living computer. What moron wrote/drew this?

Page 10, Panel 2: Megatron has an idea, and signals so with a snap of his fingers.

Page 10, Panel 3: Megatron tells Starscream his plan. Starscream looks confused. Well, more confused than usual.

Page 10, Panel 4: It seems Megatron’s armored vehicle might be…more than meets the eye. (See what I did there?)

Page 11, Panel 1: Megatron’s armored vehicle transforms into a she-bot with GIANT…umm…missiles. Yeah, that’s what I was going to say, missiles. That’s one hell of a pair of giant missiles on her. (And you thought people complained about Masterpiece Arcee.) Her name seems to be Mata-Hari X-22. I assume that’s Spanish for Bazoombatron 9000, which is what I’m going to call her. (Makes you wonder what happened to the first 8,999, but I digress.) She has, for some reason, a marvelous head of hair.

Page 11, Panel 2: It seems like Bazoombatron 9000 just realized that, in the words of Sir Mix-A-Lot, baby got back.

Page 11, Panel 3: Rumble seems to have noticed too, and I suspect he is having impure thoughts. (With his apparent multiple personalities, would that make it a threesome? Forget I mentioned it.)

Page 11, Panel 4: Megatron has noticed too, and he is wagging his…tongue?. I think seeing his tongue has scarred me for life. Put it away! For the love of Primus, put it away! Apparently, Bazoombatron 9000 doesn’t like it either, and she takes off, but makes sure they are watching her go, if you know what I mean.

Page 12, Panel 1: Bumblebee has seemingly been on Weight Watchers. Perhaps he’s kicked his cannibalistic tendencies. He has eyes on his windshield. Why the fuck does Bumblebee have eyes on his windshield? He also looks pissed. He’s probably hungry.

Page 12, Panel 2: Something seems to have gotten Bumblebee’s attention, but what could it be?

Page 12, Panel 3: Wide-eyed, Bumblebee has spotted Bazoombatron 9000! It’s safe to say he likes what he sees. Now we know why he has weirdly unnecessary eyes.

Page 12, Panel 4: Bumblebee is so stunned by Bazoombatron 9000 that he drives right off the road. I mean, you can hardly blame him. He’s got to do something to keep eating other bots off his mind, and Transformers don’t smoke. (Get it? It’s really not that subtle.)

Page 13, Panel 1: Bumblebee transforms, stunned by the majesty of Bazoombatron 9000 and her giant missiles.

Page 13, Panel 2: He decides to ask her out on a date.

Page 13, Panel 3: It seems like she needs some convincing. Can you blame her? Bumblebee’s a damned cannibal.

Page 13, Panel 4: Apparently he has convinced her to go out with him! Clearly she has no self respect.

Page 14, Panel 1: No! It was a trick. Bazoombatron 9000 was luring Bumblebee into a trap, and not the kind of trap he was hoping for if you know what I mean.

Page 14, Panel 2: Bumblebee is not happy, and probably still hungry.

Page 14, Panel 3: Soundwave and Starscream arrive to spring the trap. Starscream stuns Bumblebee with his Null Ray. Wait…no. I forgot, he has no weapons. Starscream strikes Bumblebee in the head with a wrench! What the fuck? He hit him with a wrench? (It was Starscream, in the Conservatory, with the Wrench. I hope the victim was the writer/artist of this travesty. Even IDW can do better than this, and the company is literally named, It Don’t Work.)

Page 14, Panel 4: Soundwave and Starscream take Bumblebee’s body to dispose of while Bazoombatron 9000 goes on the prowl for her next victim.

Page 15, Panel 1: Along comes Prowl. (On the prowl for Prowl. That’s at least as funny as the rest of this story.) He also has eyes on his windshield for some reason.

Page 15, Panel 2: Prowl seems to be in a hurry.

Page 15, Panel 3: Prowl also sees Bazoombatron 9000. How can he not? He’s stopped in his tracks by the view of her giant missiles.

Page 15, Panel 4: He transforms and seems excited. Disturbingly excited if you ask me. Nuff said.

Page 16, Panel 1: The narrator has returned. Oh joy.

Page 16, Panel 2: As has Dumb Donald.

Page 16, Panel 3 & 4: Now Dumb Donald is filming the narrator. Did I miss a camera earlier? Who cares, it’s not worth flipping back through this to find out.

Page 17: I don’t fucking know what the hell is going on.

Page 18, Panel 1: Bazoombatron 9000 seems to have Prowl under her spell. He puts his hand on her waist, but it doesn’t take long before it slides lower. (Come on, you know he did.)

Page 18, Panel 2: Prowl put away the tongue! She’s not THAT into you. What’s with all the mutant tongues?

Page 18, Panel 3: In the words of Admiral Ackbar, “It’s a trap!”

Page 18, Panel 4: A yellow Soundwave and either a miscolored Starscream or maybe Skywarp shows up. Could be that dip shit repainted himself again. Dammit, Hasbro! Before they can attack, Prowl attacks Bazoombatron 9000. Clearly he sensed it was a trap. No she-bot that hot could ever be that in to him. I mean, you remember that time the annoying nerd in a wheelchair remote controlled him like a Turbo Hopper?

Page 19, Panel 1: Having been thwarted, Bazoombatron 9000 decides to take off.

Page 19, Panel 2: She has a new alt mode, apparently that of a VW Microbus. Kind of makes it seem like Bumblebee had a thing for his sister or something. Maybe he was watching too much Game of Thrones. Who the fuck knows?

Page 19, Panel 3: She meets an odd yellow robot, who doesn’t look like any bot we’ve ever seen before. If this bot is from the imagination of the artist/writer, it says a lot.

Page 19, Panel 4: Bazoombatron 9000 decides to talk to him, but for what nefarious purpose, we do not know.

Page 20, Panel 1: And they talk…

Page 20, Panel 2: And they talk…

Page 20, Panel 3: And they talk…

Page 20, Panel 4: Bazoombatron 9000 decides to get…friendly.

Page 21, Panel 1: He seems to have rebuffed her advances, and Bazoombatron 9000 does not seem happy about it.

Page 21, Panel 2: Rumble shows up to attack! Or perhaps to destroy the competition so he can have Bazoombatron 9000 all to himself!

Page 21, Panel 3: He pile drives the unknown yellow robot’s head off. He dead.

Page 21, Panel 4: Optimus Prime spies the goings on, and decides to follow the Decepticons back to their headquarters to try to rescue his friends!

Page 22, Panel 1: Bazoombatron 9000, Rumble, and Soundwave return to Decepticon headquarters, victorious.

Page 22, Panel 2: Soundwave dumps the odd yellow robot with Prowl and Bumblebee.

Page 22, Panel 3: Megatron is cosplaying as a raccoon again, and he’s enjoying a refreshing can of Top Oil. “Top Oil, voted best soda by nine out of ten tyrannical despots.” Apparently Top Oil always comes with two straws for some reason.

Page 22, Panel 4: Starscream seems to be informing Megatron that he is leaving the Decepticons to work for UPS. “What can brown do for you?” It’s certainly not doing much for Starscream, he looks like shit. I guess they have a better maintenance plan and weekends off.

Page 23, Panel 1: Soundwave seems to have developed a foot fetish.

Page 23, Panel 2: That freaky dip shit from the cover has repainted himself again. Dammit, Hasbro. He also seems oddly enamored with Megatron’s foot.

Page 23, Panel 3: Optimus Prime has arrived to say the day! Suddenly all the Decepticons speak in Ironhide’s voice, “Optimus Praim!” (Get it, that’s kind of how Ironhide says “Prime”? I thought it was funny.)

Page 24, Panel 1: Raccoon Megatron has a powwow with Optimus Prime and his long lost twin brother, Soundwave.

Page 24, Panel 2: Betrayal! Soundwave sends Ravage after Optimus Prime!

Page 24, Panel 3: Optimus Prime flees in terror…from a bot one tenth his size. (Anyone still reading this? I wouldn’t blame you if you gave up. You’ll find more coherent stories on the wall of a bathroom stall.)

Page 25, Panel 1: Optimus Prime tries to distract Ravage by…giving him a bone. Last I checked Ravage was a cat, and a robot, so there is absolutely no chance this can possibly work. It’s absolutely pointless, which seems to be a recurring theme of this story.

Page 25, Panel 2: You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. The dumb cat fell for it. I hope they have him neutered.

Page 25, Panel 3: Optimus Prime kicks Ravage in the head. Not sure that’s the best thing to do. Clearly Ravage has no brain or he would have remembered he was both a cat and a robot and wouldn’t have fallen for the bone trick.

Page 25, Panel 4: Now Optimus Prime is shooting Ravage, which is better strategy.

Page 26, Panel 1: Optimus Prime seems to be having a conversation…

Page 26, Panel 2: …with the narrator? What the fuck?

Page 26, Panel 3: No idea what the hell is happening hear.

Page 26, Panel 4: Or here.

Page 27, Panel 1: Or here.

Page 27: Panel 2: Mostly naked girl. Pretty sure I know what is going on here if you know what I mean.

Page 27: Panel 3: Apparently she’s not the only one who is half naked.

Page 27: Panel 4: But it seems we missed the good part. What is going on? Was he narrating the Transformers story while they were…you know? My God, she’s the perfect woman! Put a ring on it or I will!

Page 28: Panel 1: Back to the story, it’s not hard to find. Actually it’s crazy hard to find since I’m not sure there was one. I still don’t know what the hell is going on.

Page 28, Panel 2: All the Decepticon attack Optimus Prime!

Page 28, Panel 3: Optimus Prime flees!

Page 28, Panel 4: Optimus Prime wonders why all his soldiers were so easily taken by an evil she-bot. Considers it might not have been such a great idea to leave all the female Autobots back on Cybertron. Four million years is a long time for a bot.

Page 29, Panel 1: The Decepticons move in for the kill! Me first, please, this story is torture.

Page 29, Panel 2: But they seem to have lost Optimus Prime. The shmucks.

Page 29, Panel 3: They search for him.

Page 30, Panel 1: They found him. But wait…

Page 30, Panel 2: Now it’s Optimus Prime’s turn to spring a trap! He’s brought friends of his own. He has allied himself with…Tranzor Z (or Mazinger Z if you prefer)? Why? Who the fuck knows? Tranzor Z has brought a friend too. He’s brought… (My friend Zabgoth told me his name, but I’ve forgotten it, so let’s just call him) …Red Round Robot Guy!

Page 30, Panel 3: Megatron, and that dip shit, now recolored AGAIN (dammit, Hasbro), disturbingly wag their tongues at Optimus Prime. (This is just fucking weird. I’m going to need therapy if this doesn’t end soon.) One must wonder where Bazoombatron 9000 went. She was the only well developed character in this story. (Pause for laughter.)

Page 31: Vehicle Voltron, or maybe it’s some other asshole, who the fuck knows, joins the battle because, why the fuck not. Optimus Prime and Voltron knock Megatron and Starscream’s heads off, while Tranzor Z kicks Soundwave’s ass. Correction. He didn’t kick Soundwave’s ass. He kicked him in the ass. Like, seriously, Soundwave bent over so Tranzor Z could kick him in the ass. I don’t know, maybe it’s some kind of fetish thing. Whatever. Is it over yet? Nope.

Page 32, Panel 1: For no apparent reason, Mirage decided to show up. Bumblebee got repainted as Tap Out, dammit, Hasbro. They and Optimus Prime look over the body of the dead odd yellow Autobot who showed up randomly. So sad. Not really. Who cares?

Page 32, Panel 2: And here Jazz showed up, also repainted. Dammit, Hasbro.

Page 32, Panel 3: Bumblebee is apparently hungry having not eaten any Decepticons in a while and not getting any from his robot sister Bazoombatron 9000, so Optimus Prime and Prowl brought him the tableware from Beauty and the Beast, because Bumblebee only eats sentient beings, I guess. What the fuck?

Inside Back Cover: The inside back cover has another ad. The woman with the body odor has apparently got that under control, and is now cooking for a giant woman. What the fuck?

Back Cover: The back cover has some kind of ad. What the fuck is it with this artist/writer and wagging tongues?

Well, that does it. If you actually know anything about this comic, please leave a comment.

Thanks for reading!

About lmb3

I’m 36 years old, and I work in network tech support for a public school system. I am a huge fan of Star Trek, Transformers, Harry Potter, and Marvel Comics as well as numerous other fandoms. I’m a big sports fan, especially the Boston Red Sox and the New England Patriots. I collect toys (mostly Transformers but other stuff too), comic books, and Red Sox baseball cards. I watch an obscene amount of television and love going to the movies. I am hopelessly addicted to Wizard Rock and I write Harry Potter Fanfiction, though these days I am working on a couple of different original YA novels.
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2 Responses to Blog #2182: Transformers Artifact of the Week: Videorisa #59, June 6, 1987 (Mexican Transformers Comic Book)

  1. albersmayoral says:

    It doesn’t read IRISH! but ¡ RISH ! (it’s an onomatopeia) – In Spanish, the exclamation is marked also at the beginning of the phrase with an upside down “!” – ¡Hola! We don’t normally use it when we send text messages or use social media but that’s the norm for “serious” texts. Very weird comic, but pretty funny.

  2. Victor Hernandez says:

    Hi I’m that one guy who still has to send you the McDonald’s Cyberverse toys, sorry!
    I speak Spanish, I’ll try and get this translated to you this week if no one does it first!
    Honestly it’s the first time I’ve seen something like this.

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