I watched the first episode of the new CBS All Access series Star Trek: Lower Decks. This is the first of their “Twenty-three weeks of Star Trek.” Week one has now passed, and I have yet to see any Star Trek.

The first episode of Star Trek: Lower Decks made me throw up in my mouth. Somewhere Gene Roddenberry is spinning in his grave, which is even more impressive given that he was cremated. His extraordinary creation has been grotesquely denigrated, abhorrently violated, and worst of all, dumbed down to a level that can only be described as imbecilic. Today the Great Bird of the Galaxy weeps, as should all Star Trek fans. CBS has turned Star Trek into a punch line, defiled Star Trek by turning it into a sitcom. Shame on you, CBS. Shame on you.

If this show were a late night comedy on Comedy Central, I would roll my eyes and ignore its unfortunate existence. If this were a sketch on Saturday Night Live, or some other show like that, I might be able to chuckle and ignore it. I could even swallow my disgust if it was a Saturday morning cartoon. Though we already had one of those, and it was awesome, so maybe I couldn’t. Unfortunately, this is not the case. CBS All Access considers this to be Star Trek. It is NOT Star Trek. This garbage cannot be considered canon, and to include such inane rubbish in “twenty-three weeks of Star Trek” cheapens season three of Star Trek: Discovery that has been sentenced to the embarrassing fate of following this rancid turd.

All of the good will CBS earned by improving Discovery after the vomit-inducing season one, and the EPIC first season of Star Trek: Picard, has just been flushed down the toilet.

We can only hope that CBS All Access sets phasers to kill on a second season of this prepubescent drivel.

Thanks for reading!