Blog #35: Movie Review: Breaking Dawn (Just one more to go…thank God!)

They called this movie The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part I.  Why don’t they just call it what it is?  The Twilight Saga, Breaking Bella’s…okay, I won’t go there, but you get the idea.  That was literally the plot of the movie, it happens and then they deal with the consequences of her becoming pregnant by Edward the vampire, which is not supposed to be possible.

Okay, let’s first review my feelings on the first three movies.

1. Twilight wasn’t horrible, but that’s not saying much.

2. New Moon was the worst movie ever made by mankind.  All humans should be ashamed for the existence of this steaming pile of dung.  It was in fact, so bad, that it makes the first one look like a masterpiece in comparison.

3. Eclipse was…okay.  Not great or even very good, but not terrible either.  They clearly got Taylor Lautner some acting lessons, and at least there was something to the plot more than Bella whining over Edward leaving to protect her.

Breaking Dawn Part I was much like Eclipse…okay.  The Werewolf/Vampire fight scenes were pretty good.  Bella’s father and Alice had great funny lines, as they have in the previous movies.  In fact, I would say her father is the best thing about these movies.  That’s pretty sad.

Spoilers ahead.

The movie opens in a familiar way.  Bella is completely devoid of personality and emotion, Edward is brooding and uninteresting, and Jacob is angry and has a compulsive need to remove his shirt.  So, at least they are consistent.  I’m pretty sure that’s how they’ve played every scene in the whole series.

There are a few specific things I would like to address.

Bella should have been sucked up off what was left of the bed with a vacuum if their wedding night did that much damage to the bedroom.  I mean, I get it, he’s a vampire, and he’s strong, but completely destroying a four-poster bead?  The bed was in pieces.  Bella should have been in pieces.  (Which would have made for a more interesting movie, in my opinion.)  That was just dumb.

Then there is the C-Section Edward performs with his teeth.  When I heard this was an actual thing in the book, I sort of pictured Edward charging into the operating room, pushing the doctors aside and doing this for some idiotic reason like it was his right as the father or something.  In fact, while it is still idiotic, at least there was a somewhat thought out reason.  Carlisle, the head of their coven and the only Doctor, is away getting blood for Bella when she goes into labor.  Rosalie tries to do the C-section even though she has no apparent medical training, but is overwhelmed by the Bella’s blood and is whisked away by Alice before she can have Bella as a late supper.  This leaves Edward to deliver the baby while Jacob freaks out and holds her hand.  True, Edward could have picked up the scalpel, but at least there was a reason for him to deliver the baby.  Kind of wish it had been gorier to be honest.  All we really see is blood on his face; we don’t see him cutting her open.  (Perhaps that was for the best.)

Renesmee?  Really?  How high was Stephenie Meyer when she came up with that.  I suppose it could have been worse.  It could have been a boy and named Edward Jacob.  That would have meant he would have been brooding, uninteresting, angry, and shirtless.  So, at least we avoided that.

Lastly, we have Jacob “imprinting” on baby Renesmee.  This really isn’t as creepy weird as it sounds.  The whole wolf-imprinting thing can be a romantic connection, but it can also be that of a protector and friend.  (Okay, you’re right, it’s still creepy weird.)  There is a reason for it though.  The wolves are hell bent on killing the baby, but their most sacred law is that they cannot harm anyone a member of the pack has imprinted on.  So, by imprinting on the baby, Jacob has guaranteed her safety from the wolves.  I’ve got to give them that one.  It means that likely they are also bound to protect her and it will be another vamps and wolves team up for the next movie.  In other words, it’s guaranteed to suck and bite.  (See what I did there?)

So, to sum up, baby Renesmee is the child of a human and vampire and is imprinted on by a werewolf.  We all know what that means.  She is going to spend her whole life in intense therapy.

That’s about it.  The movie ends with Bella, who we all thought was dead (Kristen Stewart played a great corpse, maybe she can get a recurring role on Law & Order SVU) turning into a vampire.  Kind of sucks for her.  (Get it?)

For those who bothered to stay through the first part of the credits, we got a short scene in the Volturi (head blood suckers) throne room.  Apparently they want the baby.  So, at least we have a plot for the last movie, something not all the previous movies had.  So between that and the fact that we’ll never have to worry about another one of these turkeys again, we really can look forward to something in Part II.

Although, I CAN’T WAIT for Bella’s father to find out that she’s a vampire.  That could be one of the funniest scenes ever.

Thanks for reading!

About lmb3

I’m 36 years old, and I work in network tech support for a public school system. I am a huge fan of Star Trek, Transformers, Harry Potter, and Marvel Comics as well as numerous other fandoms. I’m a big sports fan, especially the Boston Red Sox and the New England Patriots. I collect toys (mostly Transformers but other stuff too), comic books, and Red Sox baseball cards. I watch an obscene amount of television and love going to the movies. I am hopelessly addicted to Wizard Rock and I write Harry Potter Fanfiction, though these days I am working on a couple of different original YA novels.
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